Me: I just can’t believe this guy. Who behaves like this?
B: He sounds like that guy on The Hills.
Me: You watch The Hills? Actually, I think the question would be better framed as: “You are aware that The Hills exists as a popular cultural phenomenon? How did Lauren and Heidi manage to puncture through all of the medieval esoterica, Baudelaire translation, and compulsive watching of TED talks?”
B: Anyway, your ex sounds like that one guy on The Hills. The annoying one.
Me: Justin-Bobby? Totally. I think that’s why I dated him. God, I live for Justin-Bobby. If there was a channel that was only that kid going about his day, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, I would quit my whole life to watch it. I’m not even joking around.
B: No, not that one.
Me: Not that show?
B: No, not that guy on The Hills. The other one. The really annoying blond one with the flesh-colored beard.
B: Yeah. Your ex-boyfriend is like Spencer.
Me: Wow. I think that is like the meanest thing you could possibly say about somebody.
B: I tried.